Episode 3: I am Not Worthy

Posted by Nickole Pimlott on

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Ok so, Self-worth means believing that you’re fundamentally worthy as a person. It’s often used interchangeably with words such as self-esteem and self-respect – but self-worth is much more rudimentary. When we lack self-worth, an innate sense of dignity is missing.

The Cambridge dictionary elaborates and defines self-worth as “the value you give to your life and achievements.”

Can you have self-esteem without self-worth? Sure, you can. Take a narcissist for example. They have an abundance of self-esteem (or self-confidence) so much so that it’s toxic to other people. But that they don’t possess self-worth. Their narcissism is a mask or defense mechanism against the tremendous feelings of unworthiness that they carry inside. (In psychology, this is called reaction-formation.)

Signs that you lack self worth (16)

  1. You struggle to set strong personal boundaries 
  • Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits
  1. You suffer from constant self-doubt
  • So, when I started creating this podcast. I was so excited but then I had a lot of self doubt. Like can I actually do this. Am I good enough to do it, but I pushed through and decided I am doing this for me, and I can do this, and well here we are.
  1. You’re cynical about the value of what you do
  2. You struggle to believe that anyone could really love you
  • I really used to feel this way. I was so used to feeling bad about myself and I thought all my failed relationships were my fault and I truly felt like this. How could anyone love me. I really had to dig deep in this department and realize. I Whole I am Worthy; I am enough and work on truly believing this motto. Now I am at the mental point that I can get through these hard feelings quickly because I love myself.
  1. You can’t accept compliments without feeling embarrassed/skeptical
  • You know like feeling that every compliment is coming from a place that isn’t sincere, as if there is some motive behind it. I used to smile awkwardly when people would compliment me and then say something to counter the compliment, like someone would say Nickole you look gorgeous today I would be like, oh thank you I haven’t done my hair in a while or oh ya but my eye brows look awful I need to get them done. And I would look around all weird or at the ground while touching my hair. I would pick something out that wasn't great and say it out loud instead of just saying thank you.
  • Ladies, when someone compliments you just say THANK YOU! That’s it and maybe compliment them back if it comes from a place that is sincere. Over time you will be more will to accept the compliment. when you just say thank and believe it your mindset on this will start to change.
  1. You always put other’s needs above your own. So, all I’m going to say about this is NO is an acceptable answer and don’t feel bad about saying no if it doesn’t make you feel good inside. When does someone else’s happiness start to become more important than your own? I know as moms or parents we tend to put our children first and that’s fine but when you aren’t taking care of yourself you can’t take care of your children. Just like the airplane thing when the air masks fall down. You put yours on first before you help someone else. Guess what if you are miserable most likely the people around you are going to be miserable as well. Self care my friends
  2. You settle for less in relationships and jobs thinking it’s ‘the best you can do’
  • This has to do with self limiting beliefs I think as well. I stayed in bad relationships thinking no one else was going to love me and that maybe I didn’t deserve real love in my life, well guess what, I do and so do you. DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS BECAUSE OF THE FEAR THAT YOU MAY NOT FIND SOMETHING BETTER! I CAN’T STRESS THAT ENOUGH.
  1. You value other people’s opinions above your own
  2. You always feel a sense of anxiety and tension around others
  3. You are scared of sharing your authentic self with the world
  • This podcast is another example. I want to be true to me as best as possible. I’m not poising to be some expert on anything. I don’t want to fake who I am to anyone on her. I am just me. The things I say are things I would say in conversation with friends and family. I am just passionate about learning more about myself and who I am and how I can become the best version of myself than I was before today and I want to show you all that you can do it to.
  1. You let others walk over or mistreat you
  • Again, NO is a sentence
  1. Instead of feeling like the King or Queen of your life, you feel like a beggar always needing help or victim always being hurt
  • When I read this, I really got stuck on the word victim. Victim mentality is when you do something wrong or hurt someone, and you suffer the consequences, you are still the victim. It becomes to hard to see that you are actually in control of your own life and your actions. This is a much bigger thing. If you are not sure this is, you here are 6 signs that you may have a victim mentality
    • You feel powerless, unable to solve a problem or cope with it effectively
    • You tend to see your problems as catastrophes
    • You tend to think others are purposefully trying to hurt you
    • You believe you all are targeted for mistreatment
    • You hold tightly to thoughts and feeling related to being a victim. You also refuse to consider other perspectives for how to think about and for how long to cope with your problems
    • As a victim, you feel compelled to keep painful memories alive, not forgive, and take revenge
  • And if you feel personally attack by those statements maybe a self evaluation is in need. I used to think a lot like this, but I made a choice to be a survivor and a warrior of my own life. I had to choose happiness and positivity everyday. My new years resolution for years was to just be happy. That was my goal and still is. The journey isn’t easy, and I see a lot of people give up because its to hard, well ya it is hard. Nothing worth having is easy but it is possible with faith that it can be true and the drive to get there. I always say just keep moving forward, even baby steps count. If you fall down, get back up and keep fighting for you.
  1. You struggle to speak up and be assertive about your needs
  2. You don’t know what your true needs are
  3. You feel more depressed than happy

How does someone develop low self worth?

Well, low self-worth is a way of protecting yourself from being vulnerable when I was researching self worth, I noticed We develop low self-worth for two reasons:

  1. Due to our childhood traumas and core wounds
    1. So, the first 6 years of a person’s life is actually are actually the most important. When we are so young, we create millions of neurological pathways, connections in our brain that wire us well into our future.
  2. To protect ourselves against what we fear

So, when it all breaks down, low self-worth is a product of fear and a fundamental misunderstanding about who we are.


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