Episode 4: 5 Childhood Memories that made me Self Conscious

Posted by Nickole Pimlott on

There are plenty more then 5 but for now I will share my top 5 and I am going to share the 1 thing I regretted the most from my childhood

everyone has stuff that happens when we are kids that just sticks with us for, well forever. To this day something will pop up that happened when I was a kid, weird memories, some good, some not so good, some I’ve let go and some I still hold onto. But when I think back, I can see now some situations that occurred that really started to mold me into being insecure and lack self-worth and self-confidence. It is truly amazing at how young it really starts and I still see kids being so intolerant to one another’s differences at such a young young age. So, here are 5 things that have stuck with me from my childhood. This is my perspective on what happened and how it made me feel. I have also changed the names of the kids in these stories that I am sharing.

 

  1. How do you spell Mississippi?

Ok, so I am not sure if this was the start of my insecurities as a kid but its one of my first memories of being made fun of. I believe this was grade two I remember my teacher was Mrs. Schmitt. I remember her being a bit of an owly older lady. She used to have us stand up and spell in front of the class when we were learning. I don’t remember much of her class except this incident and also trying to figure out how to spell ghost. Anyways I think I was already a bit of a shy kid. I didn’t really want to be noticed. Like my entire childhood I just wanted to blend in and have friends, I mean I think I was a nice kid. I know sometimes I did deflect people bullying me and sometimes wasn’t nice to others. I'm not perfect and I am not a victim. I used to think I was but I really had to look at how I treated people as a kid to, but for the most part I meant no harm and was a pretty friendly kid. Anyways we were doing a stand up spelling test or spelling practice, I don’t remember. The word was MISSISSIPPI. The teacher asked me to stand up and spell it for the class. I remember standing up reluctantly. I could feel the burn of my cheeks as they flushed red and I spelt what I though was Mississippi. I was incorrect. The other kids laughed at me. My memory is the entire class erupted in laughter, but that could be my mind being dramatic about it or that’s just how it felt. However, not only did everyone laugh at me our teacher scolded me. She was dumbfounded that I couldn’t spell this word. I'm not 100% sure if she used the word stupid but it feels like that happened but again I was very young. Nevertheless that incident was very really for me and I was traumatized after words. Anytime a teacher called on me to answer a question or read in front of the class I would instantly get nervous and red faced. Reading was a challenge for me and I had a TA that would help me read in a private room when I was a little older in elementary school. She was nice though and because of her I have become a confident reader, just not out loud to other people. Now though I can now read out loud in front of people with confidence. It took a lot of practice and overcoming that fear I had. I think waitressing really helped me because I was forced to talk to strangers and people I probably never would have otherwise.

  1. BEING MADE FUN OF FOR WEARING A TRAINING BRA!

It was grade 4. That’s right grade 4. I was 9 years old. I remember this because Jurassic park came out that year and I hadn’t watched it or even heard about it till class one day and this kid named Shady, (I call him this because he was always throwing shade my way) anyways he was talking about their favorite show or movie and I said something like rainbow bright and he laughed at me. He made fun of me a lot in elementary school. Fun fact, Jurassic park and the Jurassic world movies are my favorite movies now. Anyways, I remember being in the girls bathroom and some of the cool girls were there. I so badly wanted to be cool and to fit in. The ring leader was a girl named Karen and she lived down the road from me. I remember us being friends for a short while but I'm not sure what happened. I went for a sleepover and maybe I was to weird or something, I don’t know and probably never will. anyways her mom told me I would need to go home because she was sick, maybe she was really just sick. I don’t know. All I know is that her and a couple of the other cool girls where in the bathroom with me as well and I came out of the stall and one of them noticed the bra strap. Of course I was immediately embarrassed. They didn’t say much that I can remember in the bathroom but once we got to class we had to line up for recess or something and this girl started to tell everyone. I could see the whispers and hear them laughing and pointing at me. I was completely mortified. The boys were staring. There was another boy still sitting down and he started saying, “ugh check em out”, like 3 times in a row and then he said something along the lines of its ok Nickole they are just jealous. That made me feel a bit better. I had a crush on this kid for years after. He was a cool kid but he was one of the nice ones and wasn’t ever mean to me, unlike shady. He called me a yankee one time and I was like, “what does that even mean”, I still to this day understand what that insult was supposed to mean.

I mean it was not my fault that I started developing early and they some of the other girls hadn’t but at that moment I thought great another thing that doesn’t make me fit in. I had c cups in grade 7 and awesome acne, wahoo ya me lol

  1. Fifth grade volleyball

First year to play sports in school

So excited because I already played baseball outside of school and loved it

I really enjoyed it until Ms. George

The incident

Never played volleyball again

  1. Befriending a stranger

Grade 5 we had a new girl. Sat behind me, red hair, named jane

Was quiet and shy

Sat behind me in class,

The introduction

We became good friends, sleep overs

Then the cool kids

Cool kids kicked her out

I stood up for myself

  1. All of grade 7

Acne

Name calling

Tait, my bad

Not being invited to birthday parties

Finally feeling like I was starting to fit in. was told it was my 2 friends that made me uncool

Invited to 2 cool kid parties

Then picture day came

  1. See through shirt, showing bra
  2. The laughing and being made fun of

Larry Pearson (second bf), Lionel (first bf)

Having to play the hippo in a class play

  1. The thing I regretted most

13th birthday party

Skidded my best friend for popularity

Ended up going to different schools for grade 8 and 9

Then I moved


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